|does it ever make sense?
||[Mar. 16th, 2004|08:29 pm]
|||||hot hot heat- aveda||]|
this visit was weird in so many ways, and has initiated so much thought and so many past memories. the enormous lack of sleep certainly is helping either.
we stayed up all night last night discussing all of high school, past memories, and present situations, as well as occurances while i was away. it was so weird thinking about certain things and people again, certain events i had conveniently put behind me. it seems as though i will never let myself let go of some things, though i know i am only hurting myself by doing so. why do some things turn out the way they do? and is there ever anything you can do, or could have done, to change them? perhaps, if one thing, may it be even the slightest change, had been different, everything as it stands now would be different. but how can you be sure its what you truly want? how can you possibly know if it would be for the better or the worse? perhaps, it is human nature to always want what you cant have, or want to change what is, while in actuality, it could be the best thing for you.
i wonder if what i truly want is staring me straight in the face, but i refuse to acknowledge it. and if and when i discover it, will it be too late? i always have to have everything the hard way. life is no fun without a challenge. life is no fun anyway.